Plans
by CoffeeCubed
Summary: Takes place after Bon Voyage. Luke & Lorelai talk plans - those they made and those they lost.
1. Plans

**Plans**

A/N: This is (currently) a one shot that picks up in the time after Bon Voyage. I'm getting back into writing again after a lengthy break, so more may come of this. But, for now, I hope you enjoy.

It took him a minute to realize that she was gone. He reached for her, but came up empty, his hand falling to rest on the sheet in the usual place she slept. Rolling over to look at the clock he saw that it was a little before 1am, and with a forceful sigh he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, rubbing them a few times before rolling over and out of bed. He grabbed his t-shirt from the chair in their bedroom, slipped it over his head, and peaked into the bathroom, which was dark and empty.

He took a deep breath, and heading for the stairs he called her name, "Lorelai?"

No answer. Once his mind caught up he realized maybe he shouldn't be as calm as he was. It was the day, after all. They had been doing well, having talked until neither of them wanted to talk anymore, but they kept talking. Kept apologizing, kept taking responsibility, kept promising and most importantly, kept moving forward.

Yesterday was a good day. They pressed each other's buttons just enough, they laughed and kissed and held each other and made lists for the trip they were going to be leaving for today.

"Lorelai?" Luke called again as he made it to the bottom step. He looked into the living room, but she wasn't there. He walked into the kitchen, noticed that the coffee pot had been turned on, but dually noted that she was nowhere in sight. After looking in Rory's room and out the window into the yard, he headed for the front door, his steps a little more urgent, his head a little more scrambled.

 _Talk. We'll just talk. We'll talk until we don't want to talk anymore, and then we'll talk some more._

 _Sounds terrible._

 _It will most definitely be terrible._

 _But worth it._

 _It will most definitely be worth it._

"Lorelai?" He was opening the front door, looking for a sign of her.

"Hey." Her voice sounded different. Maybe it was from all the talking, maybe she was finally losing it.

"I was starting to panic." He saw her curled up on the porch swing, coffee in hand. She sat in such a way that made her look smaller than she already was, her eyes looking straight ahead as he walked over to sit next to her.

"Sorry." She wanted to offer him more, but she felt like everything was about to break, and the more words the higher the chance of her falling apart, and she didn't really feel like falling apart. Again.

"It's the dark day." He cleared his throat and placed a soft hand on her knee. He looked at her, but she didn't look at him.

She couldn't look at him.

"Mmhmm." She took a sip of her coffee, nodding wistfully.

"Anything you want to talk about?" He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, lowering his head. He felt her pulling away, pushing him away, and if even for a moment it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

The balance of everything was so fragile, and he didn't know which way to push to make sure that it didn't all come crashing down, especially today. It was only an hour into June 3rd, but if this was any indication he felt that they were in for quite the ride.

"Nope." She wanted him to go back inside. Go back upstairs and go to bed and just let her sulk. Sit on her porch with her coffee and feel sorry for herself and the one year anniversary that they weren't celebrating. She wanted him to go away so that she could sit with her thoughts and be mad and sad and lose her mind over what they could have been doing instead.

In all of their apologies, their contritions, their confessions and heart-breaking words they had exchanged in an effort to put themselves together again, they had not talked about what they had lost in terms of all the plans they had. They talked about missing each other, being regretful, handling things differently, what they would do differently, how they wouldn't lose each other again, but they didn't talk about what their time apart, pushing and pulling at the already stretched seams of their relationship, had torn from them.

Where they could be if somewhere, along the way, everything didn't fall apart. If Humpty Dumpty had never fallen off that wall and was still whole - or maybe if he had just had a little crack instead of being shattered into a million pieces.

"Talk to me. Please, talk to me."

"I'm not upset about June 3rd like you think I'm upset about June 3rd." She swallowed the emotion burning in her throat, shut her eyes tightly and took the last sip of her coffee before putting the cup down on the porch.

"So you're not upset or you are upset just about something else?"

"About something else."

"Should I know what it is? Can we stop talking in riddles?"

She looked over at him, and could feel his frustration, see the physical toll it was taking on him as he started to tap his fingers together, letting out a slow sigh.

"We had plans, Luke. Beyond the wedding and the cake and the dress and the whole pledging our undying love to one another. We had plans."

"Plans are part of all that, aren't they?" He wasn't quite sure that he was following her, but that wasn't necessarily something new. As they tried to untangle the last year of their lives some things got a little jumbled, some conversations didn't quite make sense at first, but slowly they would start to take shape.

"That day that I ran into you with Doula?" Her voice rose a bit at the end to make it a question, and he sat back and looked over to her.

"I remember." He nodded at the memory of them looking sweetly at his niece, and all of the things that moment did and did not hold.

She drew in a deep breath, hoping the air would give her some buoyancy and help her stay afloat. In the vein of openness and communication she decided to keep going, "I walked out of Doose's, and I saw you there with this smile looking down at this little, new, tiny, pink baby."

She hesitated, trying to decide if she was ready for him to really see her in all of her insane, life shattered glory, and he reached over and held her hand, not saying a word, which she took to mean that she should keep going.

"I had this moment. This time stand still, psychotic break. Mental break. Breakdown. Break," she rambled, feeling the tears in her eyes, and his eyes on her, but she ignored both. "I just broke."

"Lorelai," he was starting to feel where this was going, both from her words and the way her entire body curled in on itself, and he could tell that this wasn't some conversation about what fuck ups they had been, this was the conversation about how fucked up they had made everything.

"Something in me, something that I hadn't let break - like the last straw or whatever - it broke. Seeing you there, with the baby, it broke." She could feel the tears on her face, she could feel the moment coming back to her. The moment she had pushed out of her mind as quickly as she could.

"I always thought it was so ridiculous - people saying that time stood still, or that they felt separated from reality or whatever - it seemed so completely ridiculous and then it happened." She gulped for air she didn't know she needed, and Luke reached over and started rubbing her hair gently as it fell in soft curls down her back.

"Hey - look, June 3rd, it sucks. We knew that. If this is too much, if you don't want to talk right now, we don't need to. Don't feel like you'll mess everything up if you need to take a day."

There had been a lot of crying, yelling, sadness and anger over the last few days, but this was different. This was broken. Heart broken, crushed, demolished, torn apart, in a million pieces, broken. He didn't want to push her.

"I walked out and you were there, and I swear to god, Luke, for a minute, just a minute it was like everything stopped. Everything. I had been so used to hurting and all of a sudden I see you standing there and I'm not hurting anymore. I had this overwhelming sense of calm and clarity," she smiled, remembering the moment and the feeling and the quick reprieve it gave her from all the stuff. The big, bad, grown up stuff that she had been dealing with.

Luke leaned over and kissed her temple, soft and sweet and comforting, and she closed her eyes, before shaking her head back and forth, "I thought - there he is. There he is." She laughed.

"Lorelai," he wasn't sure what to say, he wanted her to keep going but she was breaking right in front of him and he didn't know if he would be able to put her back together again when this was all done.

And yesterday had been such a good day.

"Hey, Lorelai," he kissed her again, trying to get her attention, but she opened her eyes again, and the one million broken pieces of Lorelai let the tears take over for a minute. "Let's just table this until tomorrow. Until June 4th." He hoped that the emotions would be a little more muted then, because this was, honestly, scaring him.

"So I see you there, with the baby, everything has stopped, time is standing still, I'm in the middle of a mental breakdown, but I have the clarity to think - hey, all that stuff, the pushing away, the postponing the wedding, the marrying Christopher, all that stuff, it didn't happen. That wasn't reality. You, standing there with the baby - that was reality." Her tears picked up and Luke sat back, leaning his head back and grabbing the bridge of his nose and the incredible broken Lorelai was starting to come together - not in a healing, putting back together the pieces way, but in a he was finally starting to see where this conversation was going way.

"I thought, 'Oh, there's my husband, my Luke, and our baby.' For a minute the entire town, world, whatever, stood still and I thought that everything didn't get so fucked up, and there you were, with our daughter, waiting for me to come out of Doose's. That of course you didn't come in, because a stroller would never fit in there, and she was sleeping, and you offered to stay outside with her so that I could run in."

And that's when he broke with her. That's when he came tumbling down from the wall right behind her, landed next to her broken shell and collapsed into a million pieces himself.

In their talks, in the so sorries and how could we have been so stupids, the plans they made - those things that would certainly have been coming together now, a year to the day after that wedding that never happened - those were never talked about. They were locked away and avoided because no matter how many pieces they were in, no matter how broken they already were, acknowledging the loss of those things and those plans and those adventures - those were the things that would destroy them, and with everything hanging so delicately in the balance, neither wanted to go there.

Until tonight, when, looking at the pieces of Lorelai he realized that beyond the hurtful actions and inactions, was the need to mourn a beautiful life they would never have. Even if they could scrape themselves up and make something beautiful from all the pieces - that life, that original life they had planned, would never happen. They could have a wedding. They could have a baby - but it would be laced with the memories of the last year, of their first attempt at those things and how wrong it all went.

Luke and Lorelai could piece themselves back together, and those pieces could live a happy and full life, but it would be a different life than they would have been living if everything hadn't fallen apart in the first place.

"We had plans, Luke. We talked about them. We had plans." She laughed bitterly, shaking her head and swiping away the tears.

"I remember the plans, Lorelai." He couldn't look at her. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. Feeling it for himself was enough, but seeing her feel it too was too much. He didn't know if there was more of him to break - didn't know if he could reduce to pieces that small.

"We were going to have a family." The word family got stuck in her throat as Luke leaned forward again, elbows on his knees, rubbing his eyes.

"We can still have a family," he tried to assure her.

"We're going to miss out on the third kid."

"What?" He didn't know why, but there was a slight laugh that escaped after the question.

"We were going to start after a month or two - start trying to have a family. We could have a baby by now. Or about to have one. But, instead, we're sitting here trying to figure this all out and trying to figure out what we do next, and in the meantime time is just ticking by, making a complete mockery out of all of our plans."

"Time has a way of doing that." He nodded, suddenly very aware of the quiet house and that it was just the two of them in it. Or on the porch, as the moment would have it.

"Now we have to go do it all again - the figuring out, the proposing or deciding to get married, the getting married, the making new plans, the starting the family - now we're so far behind where we planned on being -"

"We're not that far behind - we can still do whatever we want, Lorelai," he cut her off, then hesitated for a minute. "When you said that we are going to miss out on the third kid - do you mean Rory, April, 3rd kid, or do you mean a 3rd kid between just the two of us? Because I remember being a little unsure about the 3rd kid between just the two of us."

"Between the two of us. And we were -" she swallowed "-we were unsure. But, it was always a possibility - it was a 'we'll have one, then probably have another and after that one, if we still want a third one, we will, and if not, we won't. Maybe it would have never happened, but it was possible."

"Why isn't it still possible?"

"Because, we lost a year. Everything is behind now, and instead of having a family we're trying to string the Ballad of Luke and Lorelai back together, and that third kid is getting farther and farther away. It was a possibility - a choice - one that we probably wouldn't have made, but we could have made it. Now, it's gone." She let herself go for a moment, before finishing, "and what if that kid was the one to cure cancer or something equally miraculous?"

Luke laughed, thankful for her trying to lightening up the conversation.

"I don't want to rule anything out. Third kid, 9th kid, anything."

"I think I'd like to rule out kids 4-9." She laughed, picking up one of the pieces from Lorelai and putting it back together.

"Yeah, probably for the best." Luke laughed, picking up another piece. "I hate this. For us, for the third kid, for the world at large waiting on the miraculous things that third kid may have done."

"I didn't want to talk about this today," Lorelai wiped the last few tears from her eyes and looked across the yard, her eyes coming to rest on the chuppah.

"I'm glad you did." Luke reached over and pulled her to him as she began to unfold, lowering her legs so that they dangled off the swing.

"Luke?"

"Yes Lorelai?"

"Do you still want this -after I showed my cards and admitted to a made for TV movie mental breakdown?"

"I think I may want it a little more, actually."

"Good." She smiled, and he smiled into her hair, placing a quick kiss atop her head as a few more pieces found their way back together.

"We should make some new plans," Luke cleared his throat.

"That would be nice," she sighed, and a few more pieces brought themselves back together.


	2. Rings & Things

Rings & Things

 _I was trying to be happy. I wasn't. I thought it would make me happy. It didn't. You make me happy. I want to be happy. I want you. It was a mistake. We've both made mistakes. It's like with Nicole. Just caught up in the moment. It wasn't right. You're right. We're right. This is right. Right. Right. Right._

Wrong. She was wrong. He cleared his throat, the sound of the heavy rain rivaling the thoughts that would not stop coming. The words that would not go away.

He sat at the kitchen table, the little gold ring sitting in front of him, his hands flat on the table on either side of it, and his eyes glued to it like it was a bomb.

It was at one point - when she walked into the hospital and the doctor thought they were married and he couldn't bring himself to say they weren't and then he saw why he thought that - because of that bright, shiny gold band on her ring finger. So different than the platinum diamond band he had put there. There was no confusing them. That first time he saw it, understood it - it was like a bomb had went off. Everything blown to pieces. So simple, yet so destructive.

"Luke?" Lorelai walked into the kitchen squinting, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and hoping to find some coffee.

"I didn't make coffee," he sat back in the chair, but his eyes stayed on the little gold band.

"Shouldn't we be packing up?" She asked, referring to the boat trip they had planned to take.

"It's raining, we should probably postpone." His answer was short and hard.

"Okay," she ran her hands through her hair as the sleep started to fall away, the emotional hangover from last night's discussion about their ruined plans still pounding in her head.

She walked over to the coffee pot and turned it on, filling it with coffee and leaning against the counter while waiting for it to brew.

She wasn't sure why, or how, but the pendulum had shifted. Last night they were hopeful - they were going to make plans and talk about marriage and babies and houses and what came next, but for some reason, only a few hours later, things were cold again. Tense. Everything suddenly felt so tense.

Her coffee finished, she poured herself a cup and then went over and sat down at the table next to him. She took a huge gulp and then reached out and put a hand on his arm, "Hey, what happened?"

Luke didn't answer, instead he placed a finger on top of the ring and slid it across the table so that it was in front of her, the noise it made as it slid was deafening.

"Where did you get this?" She set her coffee cup down on the table and looked at the ring quickly. Her eyes didn't linger on it. She didn't reach out to touch it.

"Seriously, where did you get this?" Her question became a little more rushed.

Last night they had decided to have a nice day. After their conversation about all the plans they messed up, about the life they had messed up, they decided to approach June 3rd with caution - to just keep their heads down and get through it, but clearly, sometime between then and now Luke had bailed on that. _Luke changed his mind, how surprising._

"I found it."

"Found it? You found it? Found it how, Luke? You were brushing your teeth, tripped and ended up in the bottom of my jewelry box?"

"Why was it there?" Maybe he was being irrational. Maybe he was getting mad about nothing. Maybe he was blowing this way out of proportion. Maybe he didn't care, because the anger, the jealously, the all out rage, was too much to be ignored.

He wanted to take a hammer to it. Dismantle the little gold bomb that was her promise to him. He wanted to break the circle - the representation of their unending love - of the overs and unders of a relationship - he wanted it destroyed.

"Well, I thought my engagement ring was a little lonely - it needed some company," the words were biting and aggressive and he laughed in disbelief.

"You're wrong," he leaned forward quickly, his hands making contact with the table and his eyes locking on hers. Lorelai pulled back instinctively as she wondered if this was how they were going to be now - unpredictable, waiting to explode, waiting for the next little reminder of the way they had broken promises, plans and each other.

"We had a great talk last night, now you're sitting here sulking over a ring from a marriage that we have talked about, that I explained to you, that you said you could get over. Hell, Luke, you said you were relieved that we got married because now you knew that Christopher was done - that we had tried and failed and that was that. Didn't you say that?" She wanted her voice to sound stronger, but as she rambled on it got more and more desperate.

"You said it was the same as with Nicole. You said that you got caught up, that you were trying to be happy, but it didn't work and you didn't work and it was a mistake."

"And I meant it, it was a mistake."

"I never wore a ring," Luke pointed to the ring, his eyes locked with hers, his point made. "You planned a life with him. You moved him into our house in our town, you paraded him around. You wore a ring."

"We talked about this! We've talked about this, you said that we could move past it. I thought we were moving past it," she ran her hands over her face, "if you can't move past this then there's no point in this," she waved her hands back and forth between the two of them.

Maybe this is what they would always be - always fighting over right and wrong, always waiting for the bomb to go off, for things to explode.

"If it meant nothing, if it was just a way to make yourself happy or get over us or whatever other rationale you have for it - why do you still have his ring?"

"Luke!" She needed him to stop. She needed him to calm down and take a deep breath and come back to her. "Why are you doing this? Why did you go looking for this? Were you looking for something to get mad about?"

"Is this how it's going to be? Am I going to keep finding pieces of him in our house?" He pushed himself up from the chair and stormed off into the living room.

"Luke, stop. Stop. Please just stop." Lorelai ran after him, watching him rush through the living room, taking inventory. Looking for some sign of him, something that was left behind from them playing house. In their house. With the woman who should have been his wife.

"You chose him, Lorelai. You took off the ring I gave you and you put on that," he waved towards the kitchen, "so that everyone could see that you made him all those vows and promises that we were supposed to make. This is not the same as Nicole. I chose you over her. If you had been an option she would never have been."

"Okay." She stepped back, looking to the ground, as Luke sat down on the couch, putting his head in his hands. "You're right, okay? It's not the same. I wanted it to be the same, I needed it to be the same to help make it hurt less, for you and me. I thought you would understand if it was the same, but you are right, it's not." She finished, but he stayed still on the couch and let out a deep, shaky sigh.

"I did chose you, though." Piecing their relationship back together was messy - it was back and forths and one person breaking down while the other stayed strong. If not, if they both fell apart - there would be no one there to pick up the pieces and that would be the end of it.

As much as she hoped that they could just move on, she was sure that there would be many more of these arguments, more realizations and conversations. More yelling and rage. At least it was something. At least they were doing it together.

Lorelai made her way over to the couch - last night he was there for her, unwavering and understanding, and today she would be there for him - let him say what he needed and do what he needed to move past this and for things to come back into balance, even if only for a little while.

"I choose you," she said firmly, sitting next to him on the couch and placing her hand on his back before leaning over to kiss his shoulder. "Luke, I choose you. I married him, and I can't go back and change that. I would if I could. We talked about why I did it, and I know that it's not going to make it better, but it is what it is," she took a deep breath and kissed his shoulder again before resting her forehead against it. "I hate that I married him. I hate that I promised to be with him. I hate that I said those vows to someone else. But it's not the same as us," she paused, "Luke, I need you to believe me. I wanted June 3rd for us. I wanted to marry you in front of everyone, all our friends - hell, even my family. I wanted them to be a part of that. I wanted to marry you because I wanted to spend my life with you. That is not why I married him." She finished firmly, and Luke sat back, lifting his head and locking eyes with her.

"Wanted to marry me?"

"Want. Even when I was married to him I wanted to marry you. I want to marry you. I will always want to marry you." Her words were firm and strong, and he could feel them.

"I was looking for your engagement ring," he confessed, leaning back on the couch.

"Oh," Lorelai looked down at her lap, scared to look at him.

"I didn't want to use the same ring, I just had an idea and after we talked last night I wanted to find the ring and..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish, and Lorelai nodded, letting him know that he didn't have to.

"Luke, I know that last night it seemed like I wanted to jump in and get married and get pregnant and start our life together, but we should wait. Just be together for a little while. I don't want to rush, I want to do this right this time." Luke reached over and placed his hand on her knee. "I want to get engaged or married or have a baby because it's right and it's what we want - I don't want to do it because we're sad or upset or unhappy or something," she explained.

"Me either." He agreed. "We did it wrong last time - things got carried away and we lost sight of each other. I don't want that again."

"Good," Lorelai felt relief wash over her as his eyes grew lighter and she could feel things shift back into balance.

"And I'm doing it this time - I want to do it this time, okay?" There was a pleading in his voice that broke her heart.

"I will try to restrain myself," she joked.

"Seriously, Lorelai, it's important to me. Okay?" He reached over and tucked a curl behind her ear as she nodded.

"Okay." She moved over closer to him, and he pulled her into his arms.

"Thank you," he kissed the top of her head, and they settled into each other. "So, it's a plan." He smiled into her hair.

"It's a plan," she confirmed.


	3. Welcome Home

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I've had a few ideas on where to take this and decided to go with it. I'm trying to balance the angst with some resolution in all of the chapters, trying to get all those plans figured out. Hope you enjoy!**

Welcome Home

It was only 11 in the morning, but it had already been one of those days where everything just felt doomed. June was in it's final days, and it had been raining for most of them. The guests were getting restless, and Michel was feeling especially combative, the mix of which was not pleasant.

After settling her third dispute of the morning she had to get out. "I'm running to Luke's for coffee, I'll be back in 15 minutes," she told Michel, grabbing her keys and running out the door before he could protest.

She just needed a break, 15 minutes to see him and take a breath and maybe start the day over. Things had been going well lately - there were no major blow ups, or arguments. They had committed to taking things slow, to dating again and spending time together and not rushing anything, and she was finally feeling like maybe this could really work. Not in a 'we love each other and really want this to work way', but in a 'we have the skills and ability to actually survive this' way. Things were starting to feel solid in a way they never had - even before everything spiraled out of control. It was the kind of solid that existed only in rebuilding.

Lorelai parked the jeep outside of the diner, thankful for the break in the rain, and ran in. Luke was behind the counter going through his receipts, and there were only a few tables full.

"Um, Hi. What're you doin here?" He greeted her, his words full of confusion.

Maybe it was that it had already been a bad morning, maybe it was the reminder of the time she first met April, maybe it was the way he seemed more confused to see her than happy to see her, but suddenly that whole foundation she was so confident in started to waver a bit.

Her first reaction was to look around for a sign of April, even though she knew she was at Science camp. Her next reaction was to look around at the tables to see if there was anyone there she shouldn't be seeing. There wasn't.

Then came a realization - a realization that no matter how good the last few weeks had been, no matter how happy she was to be coming in to see him, looming in the back of her mind was that time that he kept secrets and lived a life separate from hers, and his greeting snapped her right back into that - made her feel like she was doing something wrong by surprising her boyfriend. Or, really, by coming in for a cup of coffee to help her make it through the day.

"It's been a rough morning. I needed a change of scenery and some coffee and I wanted to say hi, I guess," she shrugged, but didn't move towards him.

It was like a dam broke. Suddenly her mind was flooded with all these things that she had kept at bay - the fact that he kept her out of his life, out of April's life, that he had spent years being there for her, caring about her, but soon after committing to do so openly and for the rest of his life, he bailed, pushed her away and locked her out. He helped her redo her house to make it theirs - make room for him and them and their life together, but he bailed on that life before the paint was dry.

He had told her that she had him in her life - permanently, but then things got hard and he let her go. He said he was in. All in. But then he was out. Not once, but twice he left because things got hard and complicated and he needed time.

"How much time do you have?" His question snapped her back into reality.

They had talked about April and how Lorelai felt alienated and how if they were going to work he needed to figure out how to make them both a part of his life. She thought she was moving on from it, thought she trusted him and things were good, but suddenly she wasn't so sure.

Maybe she was being too sensitive. Maybe she was deflecting her crummy day onto him.

Maybe not.

"Just give me a coffee to go. I have to get back," she started towards the counter, tried to push back the feeling of anger and annoyance that was coming over her. His reaction reminded her how he had made her feel, in the middle of everything going to hell.

It was easy to forget that feeling now, because she wanted him back so badly. It was easy to forget just how terrible it felt for him to be taken aback by her presence instead of thankful for it.

"Hey, Lorelai," he noticed her attitude shift, and leaned in across the counter to give her a kiss. "I'm sorry - I think my greeting came out a little wrong. I'm glad you're here, you just normally are never here at this time, I was just surprised."

She didn't believe him. She knew he was being honest and telling the truth, but she didn't believe it. It wasn't because of today, it was because of every other day that he had told her one thing and really meant another.

 _I'm all in. We're going to get married. I love you. We are going to have lobster at our wedding. I want to make this work. This will be our house. I'm all in. All in. In._

She didn't know if this was going to work.

She was suddenly exhausted. Exhausted by the way she could go from feeling good and happy and secure to the complete opposite within seconds. Exhausted by the work and the fight and the battles that she wasn't so sure were worth it anymore.

"It's fine. I just need to get back to the inn, it's been crazy - not a great morning, I just need a jolt and I have to get back to make sure Michel doesn't get us sued. He's in rare form today." She rambled, grabbing the coffee from him.

"Caesar is coming in for dinner, I'll be over around 5." He knew something had shifted, could feel the air and ground change, but tried to push past it, hoping she really was just having a bad morning.

"Okay," she nodded, offering him a smile as she turned to head out.

"Um, hey," he called to her, catching her before she made it to the door. "I just wanted to give you a heads up," he paused, unsure if he should bring it up now, but figuring it was better to tell her now than spring it on her later, "April and I are going to chat later, on the computer. She set one up for me at my place, and she doesn't get much phone time, so the computer is easier. I figure I'll come home after we have dinner and talk with her, and then probably just crash here because I have the bread guy coming at 5 tomorrow morning."

"Sure," Lorelai nodded, not able to look at him. His place. Home. His apartment above the diner. They hadn't spent a night apart since they had gotten back together, almost a month ago. She laughed - assuming that he thought the appropriate time had passed and he could go back to his apartment and his life and she would be okay with that, because they were good now.

Lorelai pushed past him, tears threatening to reveal her true feelings as she ran out to the jeep. She knew that he knew that she was upset, that she was not okay and that something was wrong, but, of course, he let her run out and head back to the inn without protest.

xxxxxxx

"I'm home," she called as she walked through the door, throwing her keys down on the entry table. "And I ordered a pizza."

"Hey," Luke greeted her from the top of the steps as she walked into the living room. "Sounds good. I'm trying to get the other towel rack hung in the bathroom, I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Okay," she offered him a smile and then made her way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer. She just wanted the day to be over with as little carnage as possible. She spent the rest of the day hiding in her office, saying she was working on orders and talking to vendors, but mostly trying to get the diner experience out of her head, trying to shake that feeling that was creeping in.

She headed over to where she had dropped her purse and pulled out her wallet, looking for cash for the pizza, and realizing she didn't have any.

"Luke? Do you have any cash? I thought I had some but apparently I don't."

"Sure, my wallet is on the table in the living room under my keys," he called down.

She looked around the living room and then spotted it on the side table next to the couch. She opened it up and grabbed the money, hesitating for a second before looking into the slit behind the cards, and gently pulling out the horoscope that he kept in there.

 _All in. I'm all in._

She walked over to the couch and flopped down, taking a long drink of her beer and turning the horoscope over and over in her hand.

He loved her. She loved him. They wanted this. They had wanted this for a long, long time. Maybe too long. Maybe they wanted it more than they could actually manage it - maybe the reality of having it wasn't as good as _wanting_ it.

She could feel herself going crazy - piece by piece she could feel herself unraveling. Before she could get too far the doorbell rang and she ran over, gave the pizza guy a $20 and took the pizza, put it on the kitchen table and headed upstairs to Luke, the horoscope still in her hand.

"Pizza is here," she told him as she walked into the bathroom and leaned up against the sink.

"Great," his back was to her and he was trying to line up the towel rack on top of the bracket he had installed.

"You should eat so you can get home," she cleared her throat, her eyes looking at the 10 year old scrap of newspaper in her hand.

"April's not free until 8, there's no rush." He didn't turn around, and she was thankful. She took a deep breath and chose anger over tears - she didn't have the energy to be sad, didn't want him to see her cry. Didn't want to be that girl.

"Were you ever really in?" Her words we hard, and they stopped him in his tracks. He set the towel rack down and turned around to face her.

"Seriously?" He knew something was coming, he could feel the storm brewing, but he didn't think it would be over this. How could she question that?

"Um, yeah, seriously," she held up the horoscope and shook her head. "You keep this thing in your wallet for 8 years. You tell me about it. You spend years pining for me,"

"I wasn't pining," he interjected.

"You were pining," she rolled her eyes. "Whatever, pining, not pining, you were there, for 8 years you were in my life and Rory's life and you were there. I could depend on you, I needed you, my house would've fallen down without you," she rambled. "But then, we start this, you and me, and you say you're in and it's right and we're right and I let myself believe you, but then you bailed because it got too hard," she referred to their first break in the wake of parents vow renewal.

"You're going back to that?" He scoffed.

"Maybe I should've stopped at that," she shot back, and she could tell that that hit him hard.

"I apologized for how I reacted earlier. I don't understand how this came out of it." He shook his head, crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back against the bathroom wall.

"It was the way it made me feel, Luke. I felt like I did when everything started slipping away - felt like I was unwelcome." She turned away from him. "You said you were in, and you left. Twice. Maybe I walked away, but you didn't come after me. You let me go. You gave me no choice."

"You had a choice, we both had a choice." He corrected her.

"Sure. You pushed me away. You kept me away. You were living a life with April and I wasn't apart of it. You helped redo my house and you never moved him. You said you were in, but you couldn't have been more out. You were more in before you were actually in," she rambled. "I'd rather have friend Luke back - at least I knew I had him. Permanently."

He reached up and pulled his hat from his head, throwing it across the room in frustration and then running his hands through his hair.

"Lorelai, I am in. I am all in, I was never out. I know it seemed like it, I know things went off track and got crazy and I handled it all wrong, but I never thought I was out." He felt desperate, felt like she was about to walk away - like she had had enough and that this was too much and that that foundation they thought they were standing on was all smoke and mirrors.

"I understand with April. Or, I'm trying to understand," she swallowed hard. This wasn't about April, this wasn't her fault. She was proud of Luke for stepping up and being her father, she was so proud of him for doing the right thing and fighting for that relationship, she was just so disappointed that he had left her behind to do so. "I just have this thought that if it wasn't April it would've been something else. And now that it's not April anymore - now that we're going to work on being together and including April in our lives - is that it? Was that ever it?" She felt the waves of anger slowing and struggled with the desire to succumb to defeat.

"I handled it wrong, we've talked about that -"

"That isn't what I'm asking." She ran her hands over her face. "If April hadn't walked into your life, or if she had and you had told me and we had made it through that - would you have found something else to hide behind in order to pull away? Some other reason to not move in, not fully commit to us?"

"Lorelai," his head fell back and he looked up at the ceiling, drawing in a slow breath. If she was never going to believe that he was there, in this, with her, maybe they shouldn't be doing it. "I want to be here, with you. I have always been with you. Even when I wasn't with you, it was you. I know I messed up and I pushed you aside and I did everything wrong. I should never have let you postpone the wedding, I should have ran off with you that night," he cleared his throat, "What can I do to make you believe that I'm in?" He asked sincerely.

"Move in. Come home." She shrugged, tears brimming in her eyes. "Move your computer here, talk to April here. Clean out your apartment and turn it into an office only, and come home. Here. Like we planned."

"Is that what you want? Is that really what you want, not just because you're upset and looking for answers?" He took a step towards her.

"Please come home. I'll clean out my closet. We'll make room." She nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Okay," he smiled and took another step towards her, reaching out and rubbing her arm. "Okay, I'm in. I'm here, let's do it."

"Really?" She wanted to believe him. She wanted to think that they could take this step - finally.

"Let's eat pizza. Have a beer. Call Sookie and Michel and tell them that you won't be in tomorrow. We'll go buy some boxes and tape, and go back to my apartment. I'll talk to April at 8, and we'll pack all night. We'll spend tomorrow unpacking. Here."

"This is what you want?" She looked up at him hesitantly, cautiously.

"All I want." He said firmly. "We have things to figure out, a space for April, room for a family. But, we can do that once everything is settled."

"You're in."

"Not only am I in. I am _moving_ in." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. "I know it seems like a lot - figuring this all out. And it is," he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "But don't start second guessing it, okay? Stick with me. With us. After all of this we're still here, we still want this. That's something." He finished and wiped away a stray tear from her cheek.

"I just don't want to lose this again," she gave him a sad smile.

"Not going to happen," he bent down and gave her a soft, reassuring kiss.

"I can't lose this again," she rephrased.

"Not going to happen," he kissed her again.

"You should get that towel rack up, now that you live here you're going to need it," she smiled against his lips.

"Why do you think I was putting it up in the first place?" He kissed her again. "This wasn't how I planned on broaching the topic, but we got the same result so I'll let it slide."

"Seriously?" She pulled back, and without hesitation she believed him.

"Seriously."


	4. Logistics

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them! This chapter is a little lighter than the last few. Enjoy!**

Logistics

Her body ached, her legs were throbbing, she was pretty sure her hands were covered in a million tiny paper cuts, but she didn't care. For the first time in a long time she felt settled.

She rubbed the towel over her wet hair as she walked out of the bathroom and into their bedroom, automatically walking over to the dresser and opening the top drawer in search of a tank top.

What she saw when she opened it was not a mess of rolled up shirts, but instead a mix of underwear and socks. His underwear and socks.

"Right," she laughed and moved down to the next drawer, grabbing a tank top and sliding it over her head before pulling on some shorts and turning around to take inventory.

There were boxes piled in one corner, the majority empty, but a few filled with clothes from her attempt at making more room for him in the closet. Their closet.

Luke walked into the room with a glass of water, taking a long drink before setting it down on the nightstand and climbing into bed. Their bed.

"You okay?" He asked, noticing her gaze as it worked it's way around the room. Their room.

"Your underwear are in the dresser," she smiled as he laid back in bed and let out a loud sigh, his head landing on the pillow.

"Good. That's where I left them," he closed his eyes, raising his arm above his head. Moving out of his apartment and into her house - their house - within a 24 hour period seemed like a good idea at the time, but he was paying for it now - his muscles aching from all the loading and unloading, cleaning and organizing.

"Your socks are in there too. All of them."

"Good," he smiled, "I left them there too."

"And your shirts, they're all in the closet. Even your Jimmy Buffett shirt."

"Come here," he reached out and patted her spot on the bed next to him. He could feel her again - for the first time in years he could feel the Lorelai that he had fallen in love with, over and over again, year in and year out. She was there, in the room with him, happy and optimistic. Talking was good, it brought them closer and helped them clear the air - but he couldn't help but feel that taking action was what they really needed. Talking only got them so far, but taking action and proving to her that he was going to stand behind his words this time - that was clearly what she needed.

"And you're in my bed," she giggled, running over and crawling into bed next to him.

"Our bed," he corrected her as she curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. He planted a kiss on her head and ran his fingers through her curls.

Thankful. In that moment, with her curled up next to him, with the majority of his things unpacked and put away, he felt thankful. Maybe they would never be what they could have been, or maybe they could be better. Stronger. Committed. All in. In every way - ways they didn't even know existed until they had been through what they had been through.

"It feels right, right? You being here, your things being here in drawers and closets and stuff." He could feel that she needed some reassurance, and he was happy to provide it.

"Definitely," he said firmly, kissing the top of her head.

"Definitely." She smiled into his chest. "Did you tell April?" She asked the question before she could decide if she wanted the answer.

"Yep," he answered lightly.

"You did? You told her that you moved in? For real?"

"I left out the part about my underwear being in your drawer," he laughed, "but yes, when we were talking last night she asked what was going on and I told her. Was there a reason not to?"

April knowing seemed like a better measure of his commitment than where his socks and underwear were kept. The fact that he had told her himself, without her prompting, made her feel like this was all real - they weren't just playing house, he wasn't doing it to appease her - he had actually moved in, fully and without reservation.

Tears welled in her eyes - happy tears. Thankful tears. She blinked them back with a smile and kissed his chest.

"We're really doing this," she whispered. And, for the first time she really and truly believed it.

"Have you told Rory?" Luke asked slowly. He knew that it was difficult for her and Rory to find phone time, and he didn't know if this was something she would consider text worthy. They had very strict rules about what could be discussed in text versus over the phone. Something about the romance of conversation. Keeping the human element. Needing to hear the reaction.

"Yes. Sort of." Their daughters had become a barometer for their relationship - what they did and didn't share with them telling of just how real their commitment was. No secrets meant no secrets - between them and Rory and April. If they were going to be serious everyone needed to be on the same page. "I texted her and told her that you were moving in today. She replied with 11 exclamation points."

"Exactly 11?"

"Yes, I counted."

"Good. If it was only 10 we would have to reconsider," he joked.

"She's going to be in Des Moines tomorrow night, and the event she's covering finishes early so we have a phone date. We'll talk more about it then," Lorelai assured him. She knew he was still slightly traumatized by the way their engagement news broke, and that she needed to make sure he understood that she would let Rory in on all the details as soon as possible.

"Sounds good," he squeezed her tightly and she pulled the quilt up around her.

They laid in silence for a bit, their breathing slowing and synchronizing, and just as she could feel Luke start to fade into sleep she reached up and patted his cheek.

"Hey, Luke,"

"Huh," he grumbled, rolling onto his side as she moved up to her pillow and smiled over at him. In their bed. Permanently.

"All your pots and pans are here too,"

"Uh huh."

"I'm excited for breakfast," she smiled before giving in to sleep.

xxxxxx

"Everything hurts," she moaned as she walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Well, look on the bright side, I'm making omelets and your coffee is right in front of you," he turned away from the stove and pointed at the coffee mug on the table with his spatula.

"You're beautiful," she smiled and lifted the mug to take a long drink.

"There's still a lot to do. I have to organize the apartment, probably do another round of cleaning things out. The garage is a mess and I'd like to try to organize it before it just keeps piling in," he explained as he placed the omelets on plates and joined her at the table. "I feel like if it's a mess it gives you a green light to just add to the mess, and I want to try to avoid that argument in 6 months." He raised his eyebrows at her.

"You're funny, too." She waved her fork at him. "You know there's nothing I love more than a clean garage. Really gets me going," she took a huge bite of her breakfast and gave him a cheeky smile.

"We have some things to figure out, too. Some logistics," he took a drink of his orange juice and his eyes fell on Rory's room.

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed.

"There's not enough room here for all of us. I want Rory and April to have a space, but I also want it to make sense," he paused for a minute, taking a deep breath and looking down at his plate, "and if we want, you know, to have a kid, we are going to need somewhere to put them."

"Babies come with a lot of stuff, too," she looked over to Rory's room and then back to him. "There are all those contraptions meant to keep them contained and from killing themselves and us, there are the things to entertain them, the things you get to try to make them go to sleep. And stay asleep."

"Lots of stuff," Luke agreed.

"I don't want to move," Lorelai said quickly. She had thought it through, and she knew they had to figure things out, but she wanted to figure things out there, in this house. It would be easy to move and try to erase the memory of Christopher's time there, but that would also mean that she would be leaving behind all those years that she spent there with Rory. The years and years she spent happily raising her daughter and putting down roots that she herself had planted.

"I know. But we need to figure it out then," he noticed her coffee was running low and got up to get the pot, pouring her another cup.

"You're dreamy," she smiled at him and took a sip of coffee. "I have an idea," she put her coffee down and took a deep breath. "It's not ideal, but it could work for now at least. We could turn Rory's room into a space for her and April," she looked at Rory's room, sad for a moment at the thought of it evolving into a different space, but knowing that it was what made the most sense for them. "I know it's important for you- for us - that April has her own space and is comfortable-"

"And Rory, this is still her house," Luke added, sitting back and crossing his arms across his chest.

"And Rory. But, the reality is that Rory is 22, she's working and she's more than likely going to be getting her own place after the campaign. Hopefully in Stars Hollow," Lorelai joked, knowing that after she was done on the campaign she would more than likely not be residing in Stars Hollow. "Anyway - I don't think we need 2 rooms for them. It doesn't really make sense right now. We can redo Rory's room. Next time April's in town she can help pick the paint and stuff, we can get new furniture, they can agree on decorations or something."

"What happens if Rory doesn't find her own place? Or what if they're both here at the same time, like at Thanksgiving?" Luke questioned.

"Then someone sleeps on the couch for a night or two. Or, we keep a bed at the apartment and Rory stays there. She'd probably be happy to have the space. Especially once there are babies and baby things everywhere."

"And you'd be okay with that?" Luke asked slowly.

"No," Lorelai answered honestly, looking back to Rory's room, remembering all the moments she had had with Rory in there over the years. She was not okay with changing things, but she knew it had to be done. It was time. "I'd like Rory to stay here forever, for things to not have to change, but that's not an option," she shrugged. "This is the right thing for now. If you're okay with it," she turned back to Luke and smiled sadly. She was happy to start their life together, but also sad that it marked an end to the life she had had.

"I think that makes sense. I think it's a good idea," Luke agreed, and he could see her wheels turning, could feel her reminiscing. He cleared his throat and leaned over to her, placing a kiss on her temple. "Thank you for making room for April. And me."

"It's just going to be an adjustment, but it's going to be good." She smiled over at him.

"We can make a family room off the kitchen," he said suddenly and nodded towards the wall. "A nice big space with enough room for all of us, and all the stuff that you need to keep babies alive and happy and sleeping. Then we could build two bedrooms above it." He explained, waving his hand up at the ceiling and referring to the new life they would be starting there, hoping it would soften the blow of them growing out of the old one.

Lorelai sat back, blinking back the tears at the thought of their life together as it was finally coming into view.

"Perfect."

She imagined a bright room with a huge couch, tiny chairs and toys in every corner. Family movie nights and game nights, popcorn and cookies and milk. The whole package.

"Good. It'll be a big job, but we have time. I'll talk to Tom, see if he can get some plans together and we can go from there." He collected their now empty plates and got up from the table, taking them over to the sink. "If we want to stay here we have to do it."

"Luke?" She smiled into Rory's room, imagining it with some life in it again.

"Yeah?" He looked over his shoulder as he washed off the plates.

"Make sure it doesn't take that much time," she smiled, and he smiled back with a nod.

"I'm calling him today."

xxxxxx

"I'm going to go start going through the garage while you're on the phone with Rory," Luke told her as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Sounds good," Lorelai nodded as her phone started ringing, a huge grin on her face. She flipped it open quickly as Luke headed out the kitchen door to the garage. "Hello?"

"Mom!" Rory's voice came through loud and clear, full of relief at having actually gotten a hold of her mother.

"Who is this?" Lorelai asked suspiciously as she headed over to the couch and curled up with a blanket.

"You are just so funny. Hysterical. You should take your show on the road." Rory rolled her eyes as they both let out a laugh.

"God, I miss you kid," Lorelai said wistfully.

"Miss you too mom. I don't have a ton of time, though, this opportunity to interview some college kids on their work here in Des Moines came up and I couldn't turn it down, so I'm meeting them in a bit," Rory explained, and Lorelai smiled proudly.

She missed her. With every ounce of her being, she missed her, but she also was so proud that she was out on her own, living this life that they had dreamed for her. That she had fought so hard for her to have.

"Your life is just so cool."

"My life is cool? You're the one living with a boy. Tell me details!" Rory urged her mother. Lorelai explained to Rory how it came to be, told her about how great it was to have him there with all of his things, to have the apartment above the diner no longer be an option.

"That's really great, mom. You sound - I don't know - what's more than happy? Euphoric?" Lorelai laughed.

"Thanks," Lorelai hesitated for a moment, "there is something I wanted to talk to you about though," she started slowly, then explained the idea about her room, about making it space for her to come home to and April to stay in, at least for now, and that they were planning to use the apartment above the diner as an office, but that she could always stay there too. She explained all the options and then anxiously awaited Rory's response.

"Mom?" Rory asked seriously, and Lorelai braced herself. "It's your turn," she said firmly.

"What?" Lorelai asked quickly, caught off guard by her statement.

"I am living in hotels, spending most of my time on a bus, I'm interviewing everyone from the potential vice president to college kids in Iowa. I went to Yale. And it's all because of you - because of the decisions you made for us, the things you did for us. You put everything on hold for me - for 22 years. You never really committed to anyone except for me -"

"Rory, I -" Lorelai tried to stop her.

"No, listen - you built us a life in Stars Hollow and it was magical and wonderful and I owe you everything, mom. And now it's your turn - it's your turn to get what you want, and build a life there with Luke."

The tears were running down Lorelai's cheeks, and all she could reply with was "Okay."

"I'm okay. We're okay. I'll sleep where I have to sleep, we'll figure that all out. Don't worry about it," Rory smiled, knowing that Lorelai would worry anyway.

"You're the best," Lorelai said softly. "You must have a wonderful mother," she laughed.

"The best." Rory confirmed quickly.

xxxxxx

Lorelai pulled up to the house, parked the jeep and headed to the mailbox, opening it up and removing a stack of mail. She quickly looked through everything until she saw it. A long, shiny envelope with his name on it and her address beneath it. Their address.

"Luke!" She dropped the rest of the mail and ran to the house, throwing open the door. "Luke!" She called to him, but there was no answer. "Luke!" She took off running upstairs, but he wasn't there either. "Luke! Luke!" She called his name as she ran outside and towards the garage, trying to catch her breath. "Luke! Luke!"

"Lorelai?!" He came running out of the garage, his heart pounding as he saw her running towards him. She ran right into him, his body the only thing to slow her down. "What is it? Is everything okay? Jesus are you okay?" He grabbed her arms and stepped back, looking her over for some sign of an emergency as she tried to catch her breath. "Lorelai?"

"Mail!" She took a deep breath, pulling air into her lungs. "You got mail! Here! At our house, you got mail!" She waved the envelope at him, her smiled stretching across her face, reaching all the way to her eyes. "It's your name, our address!"

"You scared the crap out of me," he looked at her shaking his head, but couldn't help but laugh.

"It's official now!" She continued waving the envelope at him.

"I'm glad that an offer for a new credit card is what made this official," he took the envelope from her.

"Well, yeah," she reached up, placed a hand on his cheek and kissed him slowly. "Now even the credit card companies know where to find you. There's no turning back now."

"Definitely no turning back now," he shoved the envelope in his back pocket.

"Hey, don't mess it up, I want to put it in a scrap book. Or something," she took one last deep breath before her breathing returned to normal.

"Not that the junk mail isn't enough to prove that we're really doing this, but if you need something else - Tom just left. We have some plans to go over." He looked at her excitedly.

"Plans!" She leaned in and kissed him again. "Maybe we can pay for it using your new credit card," she teased.

"That is one option," he turned towards the house and took her hand, leading her into the house and into the kitchen where the plans were laid out on the table.

She took a deep breath while Luke used his hands to show her how they would break through the wall, rearrange the kitchen, make room for their family. Their family. In their house. Together.

"We're going to be okay," Lorelai said without thinking, the words falling from her mouth, giving Luke pause.

"Yep," he said simply, giving her a smile and then going back to explaining their plans.


	5. A Few Good Eggs

**A/N: As always - thanks so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them. Also - as the story moves along I should probably admit a few things - first is that I have no real knowledge of construction, so some of the stuff referenced may be a little inaccurate. Second is that I found S6 and S7 really painful to watch, so I skimmed them a bit, which means that not everything may be exact (especially the April stuff). I don't plan on getting too deep with anyone aside from Luke & Lorelai, but if there's a comment about April, or Rory even, that's not 100% along with the show, I'm putting that out there now. Anyway - thanks again for the reviews and I hope you enjoy!**

A Few Good Eggs

"I'm home," Lorelai called to him as she dropped her keys on the desk in the hall, sorting through the stack of mail she had picked up on her way in.

"Welcome home," Luke responded from the kitchen. "I'm making dinner - should be done soon. How was your day?"

Lorelai knew that he was asking something, she could hear the words but her mind was somewhere else as she noticed the newly framed picture sitting on the desk next to the phone. She took a deep breath as she reached for it, smiling sadly and tucking her hair behind her ear before heading into the kitchen, picture in hand.

"Huh?" She muttered, and Luke stopped stirring the sauce long enough to greet her with a kiss and take notice of the picture.

"Oh, hey, you noticed it," he signaled at the picture with the spoon.

"Yeah," she waved it at him and then gave it another look. It was a good picture. She looked happy. Luke looked happy. April looked happy. Everyone looked happy. It was from April's visit at the beginning of August - Lorelai and April were sitting at the counter in the diner, Luke was behind the counter, between them, smiling.

Babette had been at the diner having breakfast with Morey, and she kept going on and on about how wonderful they all were - how very happy they all looked. How happy she was for them. She used the word perfect. Over and over and over again she kept telling them they were perfect. Then she asked April for her camera, told Lorelai and April to turn around and face her, and snapped the picture of the three of them.

A family picture. Their first family picture. Minus Rory. But, Babette had said that it was perfect and she would leave a little space incase they wanted to tape another picture of Rory into it.

Either way, Rory or no Rory, it was the first picture of the three of them. Luke was proud of it, he went so far as to find a frame and display it, and it was a good picture.

Of her. And Luke. And Luke's daughter.

"It's a good one, right? I think it's perfect." He smiled proudly, and Lorelai nodded, whispering perfect back to him, but pretty sure that he couldn't hear it. "I talked to April today, she got all of her classes for this year, teachers and stuff. She's in all honors classes, and got the science teacher she really wanted so she was really excited about that."

"That's great." Lorelai looked down at the picture. Her. And Luke. And Luke's daughter. Perfect.

Right?

"She's still talking about her visit. She's excited to come back when the house is finished. Really loved it here. And you, she loves you, but that's nothing new," he rambled while he continued to cook, and Lorelai sat down at the kitchen table, placing the picture down and running her hand over her face before crossing her arms across her chest.

"It was great to have her here," and she meant it, even if her voice was a little shaky.

April had stayed with them for two weeks, and it was a great visit. Perfect, even. They took the boat out, Lorelai introduced her to proper movie nights, much to Luke's horror, and most importantly they fell into an easy, comfortable rhythm. All three of them. It was all much more than Luke could have ever hope for, and he spent their time together smiling and bragging to anyone who would listen - so proud of his daughter and the woman he would be spending his life with. So thankful that he could give that to April.

"Dinner's almost ready. You going to go change first?" He asked, reaching for some plates and glasses.

"Um," Lorelai knew what was about to happen - she could feel her heart pounding, feel the warm tears welling behind her eyes. She pushed herself up from the table, forcing herself to stop looking at the picture. "I'm going to jump in a quick shower. Quick. Promise. 10 minutes and I'll be back down and ready to eat," she walked quickly out of the kitchen and made it halfway up the stairs before the tears began to fall, fast and furious down her cheeks.

She ran to the bathroom quickly, changed out of her clothes and turned on the shower, thankful for the noise of the running water as she let herself fall apart.

 _Ten minutes. You have ten minutes to let yourself go and pull yourself back together._

She climbed into the shower, let the water run over her, and cried, head in her hands, not caring that she couldn't catch her breath.

It was a beautiful picture. They were happy. Luke was ecstatic and proud and Lorelai was included. For the first time she was an actual part of their lives, Luke was letting her in, and they had the picture to prove it, framed and in their house.

But, that wasn't it. It was a beautiful, perfect, happy, picture, but it wasn't the one that Lorelai had had in her head for all those years. She had dreamed up her life with Luke - she had made a picture and she had clung to it at various points in time, but once April showed up it had to be let go. She had no choice.

And, she thought she had. She thought that she had mourned it's loss - the loss of what their family would look like, but, clearly she hadn't.

It wasn't April. April was great. She was so smart and funny and she brought out a side of Luke that Lorelai genuinely loved. She loved watching him be her father, because she knew how much he loved it.

It was more the shock of it all - her and Luke had planned their life before they knew about April. She had dreamed up their family, had it all planned out in her head, had committed to the picture of her and him and their one day child.

 _His first child._

It may have been silly and selfish and nonsensical, but there was a big part of her that was so excited for his first child to be with her - to be able to give him that and share that with him.

Then April showed up, and the picture was lost before it had even started to develop. It just wasn't how she imagined it. And seeing the picture of the three of them brought her back to that feeling of loss.

"Lorelai?" He called to her, knocking on the bathroom door.

"Um, almost done," she cleared her throat and took a deep breath, letting a few more tears escape, letting them mix with the hot water and roll off of her cheeks. She took another deep breath and tried to steady herself.

She didn't want to talk to him about it, because she knew that he wouldn't understand, and that there was nothing to be done. It wasn't a problem to fix, it was just a feeling and emotions that she needed to feel from time to time and then tuck away as she continued to try to move beyond them.

She got out of the shower, put on her robe and ran the towel over her hair, checking in the mirror to see if he would be able to tell that she had been crying, and deciding that it could go either way.

"What happened?" Luke was sitting on the bed when she walked out of the bathroom.

"Nothing," she smiled and headed over to grab a t-shirt and some pajama pants.

"You're lying," he started slowly, "You never shower after work. You were crying in there - I can tell by your eyes." Lorelai looked down at the floor - for all the times she wished that he would have asked her what was wrong, this was not one of them. She just wanted her irrational moment, her illogical emotional outburst, and she wanted him to ignore it and keep going. _A year ago he would have_ , she thought, but he was back to the Luke she had fallen in love with, and even though she didn't want him to notice, she was thankful that he was there again.

"It's not worth talking about. We're fine," she tried to assure him. "I'm just feeling a little emotional for no reason," she shrugged.

"Is this about the picture? About Rory not being in it too?" He tried to find the answer, looking for something logical that could easily explain her behavior.

"No," the word fell out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop it, before she could try to lie. "It's really nothing. I love the picture. I'm just a little out of it, I guess."

Luke's eyes searched her for an answer, she could feel him looking her up and down, she could see his wheels turning as he racked his brain, trying to find some reason that she had gone from zero to sixty for no apparent reason.

"Emotional for no reason?" He hung onto those words, racking his brain, going over their day, their conversations, thinking through all scenarios that could have resulted in her crying in the shower and then pretending it had never happened.

A thought floated into his head before he could push it out, and it grew rapidly, building on the memory of conversations with Liz and TJ, and sprinkled with the memory of anecdotes that Lorelai had told him about Sookie and when she herself was pregnant with Rory.

"You're not," he couldn't get the word out, but he pointed towards her, hoping she would offer an answer anyway. Yes or no.

"What?" Lorelai didn't understand why he was suddenly a few shades lighter, his eyes a little frantic.

"Are you," he started again, but couldn't finish.

"Am I what?" She shook her head, throwing her hands in the air.

"It's not," his eyes widened, "pregnant." He meant for it to be a question, but it came out flat.

"What? No." She shook her head back and forth. "No." She said firmly, trying to bring him back from his apparent panic. She let out a hard sigh, not quite understanding how he had pulled that out of his hat, but realizing that if he was concerned enough to jump to that conclusion, he probably wasn't letting her off the hook that easy.

"Oh, okay." He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and laughed nervously. "Okay. I just - the talk about the irrational and emotional and the crying for no reason and the shower," he rambled, trying to explain himself. "Okay." He finished.

She didn't want to try to explain it to him. She didn't want to talk about the picture she thought she would have versus the one that she did. She didn't want him to know how much she had wanted his first child to be with her, how she still clung to that, even though it was no longer a possibility.

She knew that he wouldn't understand, that he wouldn't be able to separate the love he had for April from her explanation of things, but she also knew that he wasn't going to give up, and that maybe it would be better to tell him now, calmly, instead of blowing up about it at some point down the road.

"I don't know how to say it," Lorelai looked back down at the floor, rubbing her hands over her face. "It sounds crazy. And not in my normal crazy, but really, really crazy. It's void of logic. It's a feeling. You're not going to understand."

"Try me," he answered quickly, desperate to know what was going on.

"I will talk to you about it, but it needs a disclaimer," she started as she walked over to the chair by the window and sat down. Luke stayed on the bed, and she was thankful for the distance between them. "I want you to listen to me. I'm going to try to explain in a way that you can understand, but I need you to listen and not jump to conclusions and not react right away. Just listen. I'll leave time at the end for question and answer," she attempted to joke.

"Okay," he nodded simply.

"I don't want it to come out wrong. I don't want to talk about it at all," she continued.

"I'd really like to know what's going on," he urged, hoping that she would continue. He needed specifics. He needed to get out of the labrynith of his own mind and all the possibilities that it was drawing up.

"Okay," she tucked her wet hair behind her ear and pulled her legs up under her. "Okay." She paused, trying to summon some courage, or at the very least the right words. "Alright," she took a deep breath.

"Lorelai, come on-"

"Okay, okay. It's not the picture. The picture was great, and I was so happy to be part of April's visit, to have her here, pick out the paint for her room. It was perfect," she started. "It's just - it's not how I imagined things," she said quickly, and when Luke didn't interject she decided to keep going. "This isn't about April. It's about her being yours. And not mine. Not ours. It's about you having a kid with someone else. Someone who isn't me."

She knew what he was thinking, she knew he was going to talk about Rory. About Christopher. About Christopher and Rory and about how hypocritical she was being.

"Yes, I sound really hypocritical," she said the words for him. "It just feels different. You knew, from day one, that it was me and Rory. We were a package deal. Any life that you dreamed up, or pictured with me, she was in it. Any kids would be in addition to Rory. You didn't have this idea in your head that our first kid would be my first kid. Rory was factored into your thought process," she started getting to the heart of things, and Luke, staying true to his word, sat silently, letting her finish.

"I didn't have that with you. And it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, except for my own I guess," she shrugged. "When I pictured our family, when I pictured you as a Dad - it was with our kid. There was something about your first kid being with me that I was really attached to. I wanted to be able to give you that -" she shook her head. "God it sounds even more ridiculous when I say it out loud," she laughed nervously. "I don't even know if this is coming out right, if you understand what I'm saying." She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and turned away from him.

"I do. I think," he offered softly. He was trying to understand, because this was clearly upsetting her. Regardless of it's place on the logic scale, this was something that meant something to her, and that she had lost. In the middle of incorporating April into his life and now her life, the thought had never even crossed his mind.

"It's not April, really," Lorelai emphasized that point again, because it was true. It wasn't April. It was just the change that April brought about. "I had just thought that your first time being referred to as Dad would be for our kid. I think I was really looking forward to that, and then April comes into the picture and I feel like I lost that," she took a deep breath, "and that sounds really selfish."

"Lorelai," Luke started, and when she didn't stop him he kept going, "just because April is my daughter doesn't mean that I can't see how big of an adjustment this is. How much it changed the trajectory of things. And not just in the obvious ways," he explained, referring to the ways in which he pulled away from Lorelai to be April's dad. "We had our life planned out, you had an idea of what that life would look like. And then it changed. On top of everything else, that picture changed."

He knew how much she wanted a family. A husband. Kids. A dog. Matching jogging suits. He knew that for years she raised Rory alone - and even if she only admitted it one night under the veil of being someone else - she wanted the whole package. She had longed for it and pined for it, and when she thought that they would have it, she formed an idea of what it would look like and feel like, and then April showed up at the diner and pulled a hair from his head and that was that. Everything changed. For him and her and that picture in her head.

"I know it's not what you thought it would be," Luke started, "but I only get April from twelve on - I never did the baby thing, that whole experience will be new for me." Lorelai could hear the regret in his voice. "Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," he smiled.

"I know," she looked over at him with a smile. "I know that we can have our family and you already having April won't take away from that. Logically I know that. I guess I just needed to mourn the life I had imagined in my head," she ran her hands over her face with a sigh.

Luke got up from the bed and walked over to her. He put his hands out and she took them, and he pulled her up from the chair and into his arms. He placed a kiss on top of her head and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Thank you for telling me," he gave her a smile.

"It wasn't easy," she shook her head, her eyes wide. "Thank you for listening." He nodded.

"Dinner?"

"Dinner." She agreed as they headed downstairs.

xxxxxx

"Is Luke upstairs?" Lorelai asked Ceasar as she ran into the diner.

"Yeah," Ceasar replied, but Lorelai was halfway up the stairs before he could even get it out.

"Hi," she greeted him, throwing open the door to find him putting together a salad for dinner.

They had been staying at the apartment for the last week, and would probably be there for at least one more, as Tom and his guys were working on remodeling the kitchen. It was early September, and they had already made substantial progress. The family room and the bedrooms above it were all framed and walled off. They were working on running all the wiring, insulation and flooring, but from the outside it was easy to think things were nearly done.

Once they moved onto reworking the kitchen to allow for the entrance to the family room, Luke and Lorelai decided it would be easier to stay at the apartment until the bulk of that work was done.

"You ok?" He spun around to face her. Her greeting sounded a bit crazed, and that combined with the sound of her running up the stairs had him wondering what was up.

"Who? Me? Oh yeah, perfect. Wonderful. Great." She dropped her purse by the door, kicked off her shoes, then shrugged off her jean jacket and made her way over to the fridge. She opened it quickly and grabbed a bottle of white wine. "Opener," she said simply, waving to the drawer that the wine opener was in.

Luke decided to humor her and grabbed the wine opener, handed it to her, and then got her a glass.

"You sure?" He raised his eyebrows as she poured the wine almost to the top, then set the bottle down and started drinking. "This behavior doesn't exactly say 'I'm fine'." He pointed towards the wine.

"I'm good, really," she said quickly before taking a long drink of the pinot grigio and setting the glass down on the table. "I'm just old," she threw her hands in the air. "Did you know that?" She asked him, but didn't pause long enough for him to answer. "I'm really old. Like, 'speak up sonny, turn up my hearing aid, have you seen my walker, eat dinner at 4pm' old." She took the last gulp of wine and then set the glass down, reaching for the bottle and starting to pour more into the glass before Luke reached out and grabbed her wrist, directing her hand down and putting the bottle on the table.

"Okay, Ethel -" He grabbed the wine glass and moved it over to the counter, out of her reach, "what happened?"

"Oh, you know. I'm old. No more viable eggs. They're all turning to dust. As we speak. If we're quiet we may be able to hear them disintegrating," she shut her mouth, squinted her eyes and turned her head so that her ear was in the air. "Should probably scrap that whole kid idea," she waved her hands in the air. "Apparently the best time to have kids is when you're 16. Lots of good eggs then. Look at Rory. She was a good egg. Now there are none. Dusty eggs. Lots of dusty eggs. Not likely we'd get a Rory now," she rambled quickly, and Luke shook his head.

"Calm. Down. You are going way too fast. Calm down." He tried to bring her back down.

"Know what else is going fast? My good eggs. My fertility." She moved towards the counter, eyeing her wine, but Luke grabbed it before she could.

"Sit. Now." He nodded at the couch.

"I'm not Paul Anka." She went to grab at the wine in his hand, but he was faster than she was.

"No, you're not. In fact, you are making Paul Anka seem normal." He said, ranking her level of crazy against that of her neurotic dog.

"Fine." She gave in, letting herself unwind a bit as she walked over to the couch and plopped down.

"Now, start at the beginning."

"I had my yearly doctors appointment today with my gynecologist," she started, "and I told her that we were thinking of trying to have a baby within the next year," Lorelai looked at him for confirmation.

"Right. Keep going," he nodded.

"So she starts telling me all these horrible, horrible things. About how when it comes to getting pregnant and having babies - time is of the essence, that we should start sooner than later, more or less that after 35 it's all down hill and my eggs are getting old and that I'd have a better chance at getting a gold medal at the olympics than getting pregnant."

"She didn't say that, exactly," Luke looked at her with wide eyes.

"No, not exactly. But that's what she meant," Lorelai leaned back onto the couch. "She didn't use those words, but she might as well have. That was the point. I am old. My eggs are old. They are getting older. Time is not on our side. We probably don't need the addition to the house," she started waving her hands in the air, and then pointed to the stack of paint swatches on the coffee table, "we should probably just paint those bedrooms white - no use wasting our time picking some baby appropriate colors because there will likely be no babies."

"Lorelai, stop." Luke shook his head.

"I am. I am giving up. I'm done wanting it. I'm done picturing it. It's not meant to be," she rambled.

"You don't know that," he needed to bring her back down, talk some sense into her and remind her to breath. "We haven't even started trying. You're not _that_ old. We don't know until we try." He tried to convince her.

"And when will that be? I'm trying to be patient, I'm trying to let you propose and then we'll have to figure out a wedding and then the babies - and meanwhile, I'm sitting here, waiting, and my eggs are dying off at the speed of light," she turned her head and titled her ear up again, "Did you hear that? I think we just lost another one."

"You're upset. I'm sure hearing that was really upsetting, and then you kept running it over and over in your head and now we're here." Luke let out a deep sigh. "I am going to propose. I have a plan, it will happen, don't try to ruin it," he said with wide eyes. "And you're worked up. At least sleep on it for a night before you decide that we're not going to able to have kids and that everything is lost. Okay?"

"Do you know how many eggs I will have lost in one night?" She leaned forward, pointing at him. "Billions. Or, at least one good one, which is the equivalent of one billion bad ones."

"I'm not indulging this anymore. You need to calm down. Take a deep breath. Sleep on it."

Lorelai didn't answer him for a few minutes, and then finally let out a simple and hard "Fine," before getting up and going to get her wine.

xxxxxx

Luke rolled over the next morning to find that she wasn't next to him. He looked at the clock and noticed it was nearly 6am. He jumped up quickly, slipped on his shoes and ran down stairs, where he found Lorelai sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee.

"I let the bread guy in. I was up and you were sleeping so I turned off the alarm and came down to wait for him." She answered before he could ask.

"How many cups is that," He pointed to her coffee, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he went behind the counter.

"3," she shrugged, taking a sip.

"Not worth the argument," he shook his head.

"Nope," she took another sip.

"Pancakes?" He smiled at her, and she nodded.

"Hey, Luke?" She called to him as he went into the back to get the ingredients for the pancakes. He came back out with them and a bowl and started mixing it all together.

"You slept on it?" He asked, referring to last nights conversation about a lack of eggs and babies and that family they both wanted so badly.

"I slept on it," she nodded slowly, and looking into her coffee cup she finished, "I still want to try. Even if it's not easy and stuff," she looked up at him, and he nodded, leaning across the counter to place a kiss on her forehead.

"Me too." He confirmed. He finished mixing up the ingredients for the pancakes and then went into the back to cook them. After a few minutes he returned with a stack for her and an omelet for him.

"My doctor said it might be a good idea to stop the pill," she said quickly, concentrating on her pancakes to avoid his reaction.

"Why did she think that?" He asked genuinely.

"She said the sooner we start the better, and that stopping the pill now would give things a chance to regulate a bit before we want to start trying," Lorelai explained, still looking down at her pancakes, swirling the syrup around with her fork, afraid to look at him, not exactly sure how she wanted him to respond.

"Look at me?" He asked softly, putting his fork down, feeling that there should be an element of seriousness to this conversation. Or, at the very least, eye contact. "What do you want?"

"If I stop the pill it doesn't mean we're trying, necessarily. It just means that we're not not trying, I guess. If it happens it happens." She paused for a minute, looking away.

"Look at me," he drew her eyes back to him.

"Ideally I'd like to be married before we do it, but given my age and stuff it makes sense." She stopped, then let out a deep breath. "I mean, ideally we would have gotten together 10 years ago and then we wouldn't even be having this conversation." She finished, and while Luke knew she was trying to lighten the moment, he also knew that there was some seriousness in her comment. Some truth.

"I'm in. I have a plan to propose - I'm going to do it right this time," he started. "Don't worry about that. We're getting married," he reached out and placed his hands over hers, his eyes widening.

"I know," she nodded.

"Stop the pill," he nodded back at her. The words were firm and unwavering, and Lorelai smiled.

"We'll just see what happens? Not trying but not not trying." She looked to him for confirmation.

"We'll just see what happens. Not trying but not not trying." He leaned over the counter and gave her a kiss.

She sat still for a few minutes, looking down at her pancakes while Luke finished his breakfast.

"I do have one condition," he put his fork down on the plate and turned around to grab the pot of coffee with the orange top. "Cut back on the coffee. Start now." He topped off her coffee with decaf.

"Cruel," she narrowed her eyes at him, and pouted in protest. He stood behind the counter, hands on his hips, waiting for a real response, a smile slowly making it's way across his face. "But reasonable," Lorelai smiled before taking a sip.


	6. New Again

**New Again**

In the early morning hours, sometime between yesterday and today, Lorelai stood in her new kitchen, taking in how the cabinets had been rearranged and the opening to the new family room that was currently blocked off with plastic tarps.

Their life was coming together, piece by piece, and so were they. Sometimes, she would go into the diner for a cup of coffee, they would banter, he would roll his eyes, she would beg for more coffee, or donuts or fries, and for a few minutes she could forget that anything had ever happened between them.

Sometimes, she liked it that way. They were light and flirty and sometimes that was exactly what she needed.

Sometimes, though, things were different. They talked openly and deeply. His arms held her with a force so strong she thought she would never be able to break free.

When things were falling apart, she thought she wanted friend Luke back. She thought that she would give anything to have a few moments of lightness, to fall back into stride and just enjoy being with him again.

But now, standing in their new kitchen, looking at all the remodeling, she couldn't help but feel that they were finally partners in a way she didn't know existed, but that she had always wanted. They were literally building a life together, making plans and working -every day- towards goals that they had set _together_.

For the first time in her life she felt like she actually had a partner. Not just a boyfriend or a friend, but a real partner. The thought was almost hypnotizing.

"Lorelai?" She heard him call from behind her, and she turned around quickly, greeting him with a smile. "You okay? It's late."

"Or it's early," she challenged, and he shook his head, walked over and leaned up against their new cabinets.

"What're you thinking about?" He scratched at the back of his neck.

"I'm too happy to sleep," she smiled, waving around the kitchen. "I'm a cliche." She walked over to him and gave him a quick kiss.

"Okay. In that case I'm going back to bed," he yawned, "don't take my desire to sleep as an indication of unhappiness." He smirked.

"Yeah yeah," she waved him off as he turned to head back up to bed. "Oh, hey, Luke?" She stopped him just before he reached the stairs. "That thing that we were not not trying to do? It didn't happen," she said quickly.

"Oh," he wasn't sure how to respond, sleep still clouding his mind, not sure if he was disappointed or relieved. "Um, okay. You okay? About that."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she nodded. And, she was. She hadn't expected it to happen, and she wasn't that surprised when it didn't. She was excited for the chance of it, but also hoping that it wouldn't actually come to fruition until they were at least engaged. Whenever that would be.

"You sure?"

"Sure. Very sure," she gave him a smile before turning back to the kitchen, and he nodded before heading back upstairs and back to bed.

xxxxxx

Lorelai stood in the early October air talking to Tom, nodding along as he explained the final steps to completing the addition. He just needed someone to sign off on the location of the extra windows that Lorelai had called and insisted be added to the bedrooms upstairs.

"So we'll make two more windows there for that room, and then there's enough space to add one more in that room," Tom pointed up at the bedrooms, and Lorelai nodded along.

"Good. I want light. I want them to be happy." She smiled, imagining the life that those rooms may hold.

"You've got it," Tom nodded and then headed back to his crew, leaving Lorelai alone. She spent a few minutes taking in the new look of their house, before she heard footsteps behind her.

"What on _earth_ is going on here, Lorelai?" Emily Gilmore's voice forced her out of a daydream.

"Oh no." She said under her breath, her hands clenching into fists.

"Lorelai, what is all of this?" Emily asked again. "Lorelai I know you can hear me." Lorelai turned around to face Emily, forcing a smile across her face.

"Mom, hi." She greeted her, her mind racing as she tried to come up with some reasonable excuse. "What're you doing here?"

"I was out antiquing and decided to stop in Stars Hollow. I went by the Inn and Michel said you were here meeting some construction man."

"Tom," Lorelai named the construction man.

"Naturally I assumed the house was collapsing in on itself, but it seems instead it's doubled in size." Emily raised her eyebrows at Lorelai expectedly. "Why is your house doubling in size, Lorelai? What on earth could you possibly need all this room for?" Her questions were fast and furious.

Lorelai thought about drawing out the inevitable with sarcasm, but chose instead to tell the truth. "We need more space."

"We? Who is this we? You do know that Rory is out on her own now. And I don't understand why you would suddenly decide that you need more space." She rolled her eyes. "It's just not practical."

"Not 'we' Rory and me, 'we' Luke and me." Lorelai looked down at the ground, moving some dirt around with the toe of her boot, her arms crossing across her chest.

"You. And Luke." The shock in Emily's voice set Lorelai back a bit, made her contemplate feeling guilty for a split second.

She hadn't told her. At first it was because she and Luke were in their own world- they were just focusing on each other and working things out and she didn't want anyone's input - especially her mother's. Then weeks and months started passing, and she still kept it from her. While she would like to think it was because she just didn't want to deal with the questions, there was a part of her that knew it was because she didn't want to have to untell them. Again. Just incase.

"Um, yes. He lives here now. We decided we needed more room, so we're expanding."

"You're expanding." Emily looked at her expectedly. "Dear God Lorelai, you're not, are you?" Emily looked towards Lorelai's stomach, and Lorelai shook her head adamantly.

"No." She said firmly. "Not yet. But that's the plan," she offered her.

"Oh." Emily nodded once. "So you and Luke and together. Here. And you're expanding. Eventually."

"Yes."

"Well," Emily started, pausing for a moment, locking eyes with her daughter. "Thank you." She finished, and Lorelai could hear her fumble over the words, could feel that they weren't the ones she wanted to choose, before Emily turned around and walked back to her car.

"That went well," Lorelai said to herself, letting out a soft whine before heading to the jeep.

A few minutes later she has parked outside the diner and was making her way through the front door. It was empty except for Kirk, who sat at the end of the counter with a plate of burnt toast.

"Do I want to know what's going on there?" Lorelai asked Luke, waving towards Kirk's meal choice.

"You do not," Luke shook his head.

"Good. Now, give me coffee, please." Luke let out a sigh and grabbed the pot of decaf and a mug. "Nuh uh," Lorelai got up off of the stool and went behind the counter, pushing him to the side. "I need the good stuff. All the caffeine." She grabbed the other pot of coffee.

"We had a deal. And get out from behind the counter," he pointed back to her stool.

"I need a time out from the deal. For today. I need the good stuff." Lorelai shook her head, and Luke let out a sigh, placing the decaf back and taking the regular pot of coffee from her as she headed back to her stool, and he poured her a cup. "My mother came to the house." She told him without prompting.

"Your mother? Our house?" His eyes widened, and he put the coffee pot back and turned to face Lorelai, his hands on his hips.

She took a sip of her coffee and them rested her elbows on the counter, hanging her head in her hands.

"Yes, my mother. And yes, our house," she confirmed. "She just showed up. I was totally caught off gaurd. Off my game. I told her the truth." Lorelai shook her head.

"Did she not know?"

"That depends on your definition of 'know'." Lorelai responded, her head still in her hands.

"About the house, about the work." Luke offered.

"No, she didn't know about the house. Or the work. Or you. Being in the house. Why we were doing the work."

"You never told her? About us?" He leaned down, placed his forearms on the counter, and she raised her head to meet his eyes.

"No, not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"Not at all." She huffed, taking a sip of coffee. "See, that's why I needed the good stuff," she pointed into her mug.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Luke asked slowly. He hadn't asked before, because he knew it didn't matter, and he just assumed that she told them and they were ignoring it, which he could understand given their history.

Lorelai looked into his eyes, holding them for a moment in silence.

"Because I didn't want to have to untell her." She answered honestly.

"Lorelai, I-" Luke started as the bells to the diner rang out, the door opening slowly.

"I figured I'd find you here." Emily said as her eyes met Luke's and Lorelai spun around to make sure the voice wasn't in her head.

"I'm just going to finish this outside," Kirk said as he grabbed his plate of toast and headed out the door.

"Mom, I-" Lorelai started, but Emily held up a hand to stop her, "oh, um, okay." Lorelai shook her head.

"Hi Emily," Luke greeted her. "Can I get you anything? Some coffee?"

"No thank you Luke, I won't be staying." Emily nodded to him. She looked back and forth between the two of them for a moment before stopping on Lorelai. "There is just something I would like to say," she paused, looking out the window to Kirk before coming back to Lorelai, "a few things I would like to ask, too."

"Sure," Lorelai nodded.

"Your father and I are stronger after our separation. Both as a couple and individually. It takes a great deal of character and humility to come back to a relationship after difficult times. You only do it if you truly love and care about the other person, otherwise it's easier to go elsewhere," she took a deep breath, and then continued, "I imagine you both feel the same way."

Lorelai and Luke looked at each other briefly, and they both nodded.

"Good. I can respect that." Emily responded, and Lorelai knew that that was all her mother would say about it. "The things I would like to ask are relatively simple - I would like to know about your wedding, and I would like to be there. No eloping. You owe your father and I the opportunity."

"Okay," Lorelai agreed.

"The other is that I would like to know about any children before a 5 year old shows up at my house in a backwards baseball hat and plaid shirt and I'm left to draw my own conclusions." She raised her eyebrows at Luke, who couldn't help but laugh at the image.

"We wouldn't do that. You will know at least an hour before we show up," Lorelai answered sarcastically.

"Don't worry about that," Luke offered seriously, and Emily nodded.

"Okay. Well, I have a few more places to stop, so I'll be going."

"Okay. Bye, mom." Lorelai felt shell shocked, not quite sure if there was anything else to say.

"Bye Emily."

"Goodbye Luke, it was good to see you again." She waved to him. "I hope you're able to find your razor, I assume it was lost in the move." She finished, heading towards the door and out to her car.

Lorelai turned around, letting her head fall and her forehead hit the countertop with a bang.

"Do you want to talk about all that?" Luke asked, waving his hands in the air.

"Nope." She raised her head off of the counter. "Is there a reason to?"

"I think she's okay with it?" Luke asked, confused.

"Does it matter?"

"Not to me," Luke reached for his rag and started wiping down the counter.

"Good." Lorelai ran her hands over her face.

"Want some good news?" Luke asked. "Well, good news for you." He clarified, and Lorelai nodded frantically.

"Please." She begged.

"Babette and Patti were in here this morning complaining about how there's a chance of snow tonight."

A smile spread slowly across her face at the thought of snow. The magic of it. How it made everything look new. The memory of all the wonderful things that had happened during it.

"You better not be lying to me," She leaned forward towards him.

"Never," he shook his head. "It's a freak early snow storm. I imagine it's going to be a great winter." He laughed, and Lorelai clapped excitedly.

"Snow!" She let out a sigh and turned to look out the window, the excitement and anticipation slowly taking over, pushing out the memory of the experience with her mother.

xxxxxx

During a lull in the dinner rush Luke snuck upstairs to the apartment and turned on the TV, quickly flipping through the channels until he landed on the news. "Come on, come on." He talked to the TV, rushing them through the story, waiting to hear the weather forecast. After a moment the weatherman came on, and after a lengthy introduction about how it wasn't that early compared to years past, he confirmed that snow was indeed in the forecast for that night.

Luke fumbled with the remote, clicking to another news channel just in time to catch another forecaster agree that snow was expected within the next few hours.

"Well, okay." He said to himself before heading over to the filing cabinet and opening the bottom drawer. He reached into the back and pulled out an old pair of boots and an old brown bag from Doose's Market, peeking inside to confirm it's contents and then kicking the drawer shut, turning off the TV and heading back down to the diner.

"Hey, Ceasar," he walked into the kitchen, holding the boots and bag, his heart rate picking up with each passing second. His mind racing.

Snow. Definitely snow.

"What's up Luke?"

"I need to go. An issue with the construction popped up and I need to make sure everything is okay before this damn snow starts," he lied.

"No problem. It's slowing down anyway. Do what you gotta do." Ceaser nodded.

"Thanks," Luke waved a hand at him and then grabbed his coat and headed home.

By the time he pulled up to the house the jeep was already parked out front. He headed straight to the garage and stuffed the Doose's bag in there, then headed towards the house carrying the old boots.

"It's happening!" Lorelai exclaimed as soon as he opened the door. "I can smell it. It's definitely happening."

"I think you're the only person having this reaction to it snowing in the beginning of October," Luke rolled his eyes, but inside his heart picked up speed, emotion started to ball up in his throat.

"What are those for?" Lorelai eyed the boots suspiciously.

"Oh, these," Luke raised them awkwardly. "I figured I'd need to shovel or something so I found these old ones at the apartment. I just got these," he nodded down to the boots on his feet.

"Oh, okay. That makes sense," she believed him and then went to grab them, but he pulled them back out of her reach.

"What are you doing? Don't."

"I was going upstairs to get a sweater. I was going to take them up for you?"

"Oh, uh, thanks, but I'll take them up. I smell like diner food. I'm going to shower." He said quickly, and Lorelai shrugged.

"Okay, just bring my sweater back down with you." He seemed a little off, a little jumpy, but she brushed it off, too excited about the snow to dwell on it.

xxxxxx

They made it to 11pm without the snow starting, and Luke was thankful. Lorelai had been giddy all night, and she wanted to spend time with him, sharing her giddiness, which meant that he didn't have time to do what he had planned.

He waited about 30 minutes after she had fallen asleep before slowly rolling out of bed and leaving the room quietly. He headed downstairs, slipped on his boots and coat and headed outside to retrieve the Doose's bag from the garage.

The next 15 minutes were spent in a flurry of activity - sliding the chuppah to a more central location in the yard, plugging in an extension cord to the outlet in the garage, and then stringing the lights from the Doose's bag around the chuppah before plugging them into the extension cord.

He glanced up at their bedroom window, and not noticing anything amiss he turned back to the chuppah, walked over, and turned on the lights. He let out a deep breath when they all lit up and started twinkling.

"Okay," he tried to compose himself, tried to pull it together and remain calm. He shook his arms, ran his hands over his face, and took it in one last time - the little white lights twinkling all around the chuppah that he had made for her all those years ago. He looked up at the sky briefly, and for the first time in his life he begged for it to snow.

He quietly headed back into the house, closing the door behind him, removing his boots and then heading up the stairs slowly, avoiding all the spots he knew would make noise.

Luke slipped back into their bedroom, confirmed that Lorelai was indeed still asleep, and then made his way over to their closet. He walked to the back of it and bent down to the boots he had brought in earlier. He grabbed the left one and turned it upside down, his hand catching the little black box as it fell out.

Quietly he headed back to bed, putting the ring box in the pocket of his sweatpants. He spent the next 47 minutes watching the clock, hand on the box in his pocket, waiting for her.

"It's happening!" She awoke with a start, reaching over and shaking him back and forth. Luke took a silent breath before letting out a heavy sigh.

"Sleep?"

"Snow! Snow is happening!" Lorelai threw the covers off of them. "Magical. Wonderful. Beautiful. Snow. Snow! Come on! We're going to miss it." She ran over to the closet and put on her slippers before grabbing her sweater.

Luke knew he should be disgruntled. He should complain. He should make some comment about it being too soon for snow and it just being frozen water and the inconvenience of it all.

But he couldn't. He was excited for this snow. For it to make everything new again. For her to add another memory to all the wonderful ones she already associated with snow.

He got up quickly, his hand staying on his pocket, as he followed her out of the bedroom and ran down the stairs after her.

"It's our first snow, you can't run out there without me," he stopped her before she could run outside, and he put his boots on as quickly as possible.

"Hurry!" She yelled, jumping up and down.

Luke finished tying his boots and Lorelai threw the front door open just as the first few flurries started to fall.

It was a wet, heavy snow. Each snowflake large, making it's way from the sky in a fast, purposeful descent.

Lorelai ran down the porch steps and onto the front lawn, Luke a step behind her, his heart racing faster and faster, waiting for her to notice the chuppah and it's sparkling lights.

"Hello old friend," she looked up at the sky as the snow started to stick to her hair. "You know, the best moments of my life have happened when it's snowed," she started in on the story Luke heard year after year, and he couldn't help but watch her take it in.

"Lorelai," he placed his hand on the small of her back just as her eyes scanned the yard, falling on the chuppah.

"What?" Her breath left her, her mind racing, as Luke took her hand and lead her over to the chuppah. "Luke," her eyes searched his for an answer, afraid to hope for what she thought was happening.

"Listen to me." He moved her so that they were both under the chuppah, and took both of her hands in his. He cleared his throat as tears made their way to Lorelai's eyes. "Listen to me," he whispered, trying to recall the speech that he had rehearsed over and over, but when he went to talk the words that came were not those that he had planned.

"I had a speech," he let out a sigh and a nervous laugh, "but, standing with you, now, here, all I can think about is how this is all I want. For the rest of my life, this is it. You, me, the promise of a life together. You waking me up and dragging me outside every year to watch the first snow. Hopefully dragging our kids out here one day, too." He paused as Lorelai smiled, shaking her head at him, the tears spilling over onto her cheeks. "I just want you." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself and his emotions. "You're all I've ever really wanted. No matter what, through everything, over and over again, all I've every really wanted was you."

"I love you." Lorelai couldn't help herself, the words fell from her lips in a whisper.

Luke let her hands go and reached into his pocket. He dropped down to one knee, opened the ring box, and held it up to her. "Marry me?" He asked simply.

And as the snow picked up, underneath the sparkling lights and their chuppah, on the lawn of their new and improved home, Lorelai said yes.

"I love you." Luke stood up and wrapped his arms around her, and they kissed softly, passionately. The way that you kiss someone that you will be kissing forever.

"Everything's magical," Lorelai smiled as Luke placed a kiss on top of he head. "I can't believe you did this. It's perfect," she shook her head in disbelief, looking down at the ring on her hand.

"I kept the diamonds, but changed the setting." Luke explained. "Re-did the foundation." He cleared his throat. "I hope you like it."

"I love it." Lorelai said sincerely.

They stood wrapped up in each other, under the chuppah, as the snow continued to fall. There was no need for a huge celebration, no need to toast, no need for any more words. They had said so much over the years - good things, bad things, loving things, hurtful things - there had been so many words between the two of them - fast and slow, steady and shaky - there had been so very many words.

Tonight, though, in the shadows of their new house, there wasn't a need for anymore words. They had said the only ones that mattered. Forever. And yes.


	7. Everything

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews, it means so much! I went back and forth after the last chapter about whether or not to end it there or keep going. After thinking it through I decided to do an epilogue, so here it is. This will be the last chapter for this story. Enjoy!**

Everything

Luke sat on the bed, his back leaning up against the headboard, his legs straight out in front of him. He stared silently at the closed bathroom door while he ran his thumb over the underside of his plain silver wedding band.

It had been 4 weeks since the wedding, since they stood up in front of family and friends and next to each other and said the vows outloud. They were simple, solid, and nothing new for them. They were the verbalization of the vows that they had made over and over, again and again, for the past ten years. It was just official now.

The wedding had come together easily, April and Rory were both in Stars Hollow over Thanksgiving weekend, so there was really no other option. They had a simple ceremony at the Dragonfly, under the chuppah and sparkling lights, and they enjoyed a low key reception afterwards with more food than necessary, compliments of Sookie.

It was easy to plan the wedding. Easy to commit to each other. Easy to stand up there and say those words. There was one thing, though, that was not coming easily.

"I'm not doing it," Lorelai burst through the bathroom door with the pink box in her hand, interrupting his thoughts.

"Lorelai, just go do it," He waved towards the bathroom, but she shook her head and started to pace at the foot of the bed.

"I already made up my mind. Can't change it. Not happening." She rambled.

"You called me at work,"

"I did." She confirmed, still pacing.

"You asked me to come home,"

"I did."

"No, actually, you told me to come home immediately. And to stop, on my way home, in Litchfield,"

"Sorry for wanting you to have a change from the monotony of your normal route." She threw her hands in the air, still holding onto the box.

"You told me to go to the supermarket and get some green apples and that specific brand of pregnancy test," he pointed to the box in her hand.

"The commercials say it's the most accurate. The apples were just wishful thinking, trying to drum up some cravings," she nodded as Paul Anka entered the room and started pacing back and forth with her.

"For the love of god, not you too." Luke called to the dog as he pushed himself up off of the bed and made his way over to Lorelai. "Stop."

"It's better to not know. Makes it more of a surprise. Who doesn't love a good surprise?" Luke stopped her pacing by placing one hand on her hip and the other on the opposite shoulder.

"You're taking it. We're not going to be some dateline special." He raised his eyebrows. "You're a few days late. You ordered a fruit salad this morning at the diner."

"Coincidences." She threw the box on the floor, and pushed past him, making her way out of the bedroom and downstairs, purposely avoiding the two bedrooms that sat empty, doors closed, at the end of their new hallway.

She had taken 6 tests since they had started not not trying, and each time she only saw one line she lost a little more hope. She didn't know how much more she had left, and this was the first time that they had actually really tried, made a conscious effort of the dates and what they were doing, and she knew that this time would hurt that much more.

"Lorelai!" Luke called to her as he followed her downstairs.

"I need some air," she explained, slipping on her boots as Paul Anka came running up to her. "We both do," she grabbed his leash off of the wall and clicked it to his collar, heading out into the early evening.

"Hey, wait, I'll come with you," Luke called from the door, but Lorelai waved him off, telling him she just wanted a few minutes to calm down and that she was sorry and she'd be back in a little bit.

Luke gave her 59 minutes alone before he put on his boots and jacket and headed out to find her. Ironically, after an early snow in October, January was relatively mild, but the promise of winter still draped Stars Hollow in cold nights.

He didn't see her around the house or in the yard, so he started off towards the center of town, where he found her sitting on a bench in the square, Paul Anka sitting at her feet, both of them eating a peanut butter cookie from Weston's.

"Hey," Luke cleared his throat as he sat down next to her, placed his arm around her and kissed her temple sweetly.

"Wanted some sugar," she shrugged, looking down at Paul Anka. "I don't need to take the test. I know what it's going to say. Or not say." She took another bite of the cookie as Luke pulled her close to him.

"You don't." He tried to get through to her, but she shook her head and reached to the bag next to her, holding it up to him.

"I got 6 cookies," she looked at him sadly. "It's starting. No need for the test." She referred to her period.

Luke sat back on the bench, the hope that he was holding onto slipping away, as he reached for the bag. "Give me one," he said shaking his head.

xxxxxx

"Luke?" Lorelai whispered as she reached out and shook his arm.

"Sleep," he grumbled, but rolled over in bed to face her.

Lorelai didn't say anything, but he reached his arms out to her, creating a space for her to curl up onto his chest.

She didn't have any words, she just wanted to feel him. Feel her husbands arms and hear his heart beating, hoping that it would stop all the thoughts running through her head. The ones about how they had wasted so much time, valuable time when she still had good eggs and enviable fertility, the ones about how if she would never have run to Christopher they could have already had a baby - a toddler, even.

She pushed her face into his chest as she thought about their daughters, about how seemingly easy they came to be and how she had never really thought that it would be any other way. Until now. Until she was counting days and spotting symptoms and laying in bed with him just trying to remind herself to breath. In and out. In and out.

Lorelai didn't even realize that she was crying until Luke reached down and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I know what you're doing," he spoke softly. "We didn't miss out on it. We haven't lost it." He said firmly, and for the first time he felt like he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was her.

"I just feel like we did everything wrong," Lorelai said before letting herself unravel.

They had fallen apart, they broken down to pieces they thought they'd never get back together again, but still they rebuilt themselves, and each other. They made plans, shared a home and a last name. There was just that one thing missing, that, tonight, felt like everything.

They had forgiven themselves, and each other, but the nagging thought of missing out on a family of their own, a child they shared, was suddenly something they didn't know if they could forgive. Their desire for it felt suffocating.

Luke went to say something, but hesitated for a moment, not able to commit to the words. He let out a deep breath, kissed the top of her head, and then let the words tumble from his lips before he could catch them, "this is enough." He said simply.

"I don't want it to be," Lorelai cried, putting her hand on his chest. He put his hand over hers, then brought her hand to his lips. She was tired. Tired of needing something, wanting something. It felt like no matter how far they came, it wasn't far enough.

"Me either." He cleared his throat, breaking with her. "But if it is, I couldn't be luckier." He said honestly.

xxxxxx

"So, Sookie found this great Louisiana Sausage, and it's perfect. Not too big, not to small, the color is just red enough," Lorelai rambled as they made their way through town, the streets decorated for fall, the square in the beginning stages of set-up for the fall festival.

"Thank god." Luke rolled his eyes as Lorelai continued to explain this years Halloween bit, trying to convince him that after she killed him he should turn into a zombie and eat the sausages. "Are we really going to have time for this?" Luke looked to her as they came to a stop in front of Doose's Market.

"We will make time. It's our tradition," she smiled at him. "And we are not losing traditions now. In fact, we need to think of more traditions, if anything. Something for every holiday. Except maybe flag day. We can skip flag day," she finished with a nod.

"You know, I'm partial to flag day." Luke argued with a smile, and Lorelai raised her eyebrows at him.

"Well look at that," she whispered to the tiny pink baby girl, fast asleep in the stroller that Luke was pushing, "your Dad is full of surprises, sweets." They shared a smile and a laugh.

"So you going to run in?" Luke pointed towards Doose's, and Lorelai nodded, thankful to be out of the house for the first time since their daughter was born two weeks ago, and even more thankful for the moment.

It was simple - a walk through town, picking things up from the market, heading back home to cook dinner. It was everything she thought she'd never have, that she was afraid to wish for. The whole package.

"It'll be the first time I've ever left her," Lorelai looked at him with wide eyes, and he laughed.

"I'll stand right by the window so you can keep an eye on us." He placed a soft kiss on her lips, then looked down at their daughter. Theirs. Not just his. Not just hers. Theirs. She had Lorelai's stubbornness and Luke's eyes.

"Okay, I'll be quick," she turned away from him and ran into Doose's, and Luke walked over by the window and waited for her.

10 minutes later she walked out, a bag of groceries in her hand, and she saw them there, standing and waiting. Her Luke and their sleeping baby girl. The tears found their way to her eyes as she watched him reach into the stroller and pull the blanket up around the baby.

"Hey, you get everything?" Luke asked when he saw her walking towards him. Luke took the bag from her and placed it in the bottom of the stroller before they turned and headed home.

"We've got everything." Lorelai said firmly, and Luke reached for her hand.

"Yep." He said simply.


End file.
